Archive for September, 2010

Cherry Tree Lane – a seriously wrong turn

Thursday, September 16th, 2010

crap-filmThis maddening mess sees three violent and disturbed teenagers break into the home of an unhappily married and extraordinarily unlikeable couple. The pair are beaten and tied up within seconds, and the assailants then proceed to sit on the couch waiting for the couple’s son to come home so they can kill him for being a grass.

This lasts for almost 80 minutes, and it is excruciating; a mind-bendingly dull and lazy waste of time; time that could be spent doing something infinitely better, such as attempting to clean your teeth with a pneumatic drill whilst swallowing a rusty cheese-grater.

The painfully clichéd unhappy couple argue over dinner in a monotonous and badly scripted fashion about an affair that she may have had a while ago (it’s hard to keep track of the conversation due to its poor delivery). They answer the door and are attacked. They are subjected to occasional abuse of a severe nature, whilst the clock ticks down (somewhat erratically) to their son’s arrival, which is due to be met with a fatal response. That is literally it.


Burning Bright – Eye of the tiger

Thursday, September 9th, 2010

MP1021D Burning Bright DVD_V2This terrific low-budget thriller from little-known director Carlos Brooks is a real treat, especially considering it forms part of that dreaded straight-to-DVD selection.

Briana Evigan (Step Up 2, Sorority Row) plays Kelly Taylor, a bright and caring young woman preparing to enrol at college whilst leaving her autistic younger brother Tom (played by Charlie Tahan) in the care of a school for special needs.

They live with their unpleasant deadbeat stepdad Johnny (Garret Dillahunt; Last House on the Left, No Country for Old Men) as a result of their mother’s prior suicide.

Kelly’s payment to the special needs school falls through because Johnny empties the account. He has grand plans to turn the land surrounding their home into a mini-safari park; this includes the purchase of a tiger that comes with Meat Loaf’s official seal of evil. The non-payment means that Kelly must choose whether to leave young Tom in the incapable hands of their stepdad, or abandon her plans for college so that she can remain as his carer.

Things take a bizarre twist when a hurricane charges through the local area. After the house has been boarded up in preparation for the storm, an unseen figure lets the tiger (which has been starved for 2 weeks) loose in the house, before boarding up the doors entombing Kelly and Tom with the tiger.